If you've been keeping up with my blog you'll know that this week I've been chatting to other mums about the difficulties we face breastfeeding our babies ('Is breast really best?'). Why is it that it's still considered taboo to bottle feed or to admit that we struggle with breastfeeding? Here's our second true story from a mum of 2:
It's definitely true that in general bottle-fed babies sleep through at an earlier age. That said, my two were both breastfed and slept very differently. My daughter slept 8hrs at 4 weeks, then 12hrs pretty early, my son slept through without feeding similarly early but has always been an early riser and disturbed by teeth etc. There are indisputable benefits to breastfeeding, but unfortunately because of these, the pro-breast feeders are loathed to tell prospective parents the truth about how hard it will be and how bottle feeding or mixed feeding can sometimes save your sanity. Hence, unrealistic expectations and lots of mums feeling like failures. Happy mums make for happy babies so you do what's right for you and yours. Some mums find feeding easy. For me, learning to feed my two was one of the hardest things I've ever done, physically and emotionally. I did it and I'm proud of that, but I would never judge anyone or choosing a different way.
There's way too much pressure put on new mums re feeding and sometimes that is counter-productive. Part of my problem at the start was that I was so wound up about getting it right that I couldn't relax enough to do it properly. Never beat yourself up about something other people tell you is best for your child. No child ever came to harm by drinking formula, especially when it’s being given by a loving mum/dad/granny.
I think part of the problem is, parenting is tough and the biggest shock ever. So, with most of us being career women before becoming mums, we are used to being able to control things. When we can't, we panic and look for magic solutions. This means we generalise (eg bottlefed babies sleep better, gina ford-style routines make life easier, super-nanny style naughty steps work for everyone). None of this is true. I have a friend who has exclusively breastfed 3 perfect sleepers and equally know bottlefed babies who have slept terribly. I know breastfed babies who pick up every virus going and have allergies. You can't generalise or second guess when it comes to little humans. You've just got to follow your instinct. If you're anything like me, you will spend a lot of evenings over the next few years feeling like you have failed in some way. But you will always have way more to be proud of.
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